Good Afternoon Wal-Mart Shoppers
Good afternoon Wal-Mart customers:

In addition to the posted prices, if you want to purchase any Sons of Anarchy merchandise, you will have to submit to outside authority.  Have a nice day!

Good afternoon Wal-Mart customers:

Just a reminder, we now sell Che Guevara t-shirts.  On a related note, we slashed our employee wages again.  Have a nice day!

Good afternoon Wal-Mart customers:

Beware the Slender Man, he stalks the aisles.  Have a nice day!

Good afternoon Wal-Mart customers:

Now selling college degrees.  Have a nice day!

Good afternoon Wal-Mart customers:

Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn.  Have a nice day!

Good afternoon Wal-Mart customers:

If you’re experiencing difficulties, please wait until the Singularity.  Have a nice day!

Good afternoon Wal-Mart customers:

Bob just accidently released 200 anthrax-laced rats from the pet department.  Good going Bob.  Have a nice day!

Good afternoon Wal-Mart customers:

If you are experiencing ennui, our employees cannot help you deal with it.  Have a nice day!

Good afternoon Wal-Mart customers:

All of our Harry Potter themed items are in aisle 9 and three-quarters.  Have a nice day!

Good afternoon Wal-Mart customers:

Scientists just dropped the most advanced rover ever on Mars.  Think about that while you buy half a dozen cans of cheez-whiz.  Have a nice day!